05 February, 2015

The Process of Change Starts with Surrender

In April 2007 – I posted these thoughts on my blog:

what do we do about the one thing in ourselves we can't seem to change? 

or, put another way...

how do we unlearn the things we've been told since childhood?

"you are to be seen and not heard" 


are you enough?
it's hard when the thing we hate in ourselves is what we fall back on when we don't know what else it do.

Eight years later, those questions were the start of a journey. A journey to unlearn the lies of my childhood, to look at myself – outside of family, genealogy, expectation and pat answers.

It hasn’t been easy. I ran away at 22 to the place I felt safest. I was lucky to meet an incredible group of people who loved me. I shed everything I had been told and became who I am.

It was in the midst of one of the most beautiful places in the world to me that I learned who I was. God spoke tenderly to me, and gave me an image of Himself that was honest, true and real.

He is not the God of works. He is not the God of perfection. He is not the God of neglect.

You can unlearn the lies and pain of your childhood. You can let go of habits that have for too long defined you. It will be hard – it will take truth, gumption, perseverance and ultimately surrender - but dear, sweet friend, it is oh so worth it.

What do you need to free yourself of?  

The first step is the ability to name it.

Then you have to take responsibility for it.

We are ultimately responsible for ourselves. Regardless of what our husband, kids, parents, siblings, boss, co-workers, etc. do, we are responsible for our response. We are responsible for our actions, how we respond in anger, pain, disappointment and joy.

This reality changed everything for me. Because I realized the only way the things that haunted me were going to stop was if I took responsibility to change my own narrative.

via PostSecret
So I worked on the pain of my childhood. I worked on the pain of my family. I worked on the thing I hated in myself that I fell back on when I did not know what else it do. I replaced unhealthy habits with healthy ones and became someone new.

Someone capable of love.

Someone capable of grace.

Someone capable of deep, authentic faith.

Someone capable of giving to others what I had received.

You can do it friend! Let it all go and let God show you who he truly is.

I’m praying for you.

From Lauren Pupillo Photograhpy

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