30 October, 2013

Reasons for Leaving

Good morning friend,
In The Round
Well my 30th birthday has not gotten off the way I planned. Early this morning I resigned from my job for a series of reasons it's not worth getting into. One thing I can say is that I have total peace in my decision.

Over the weekend D and I took a road trip to Indianapolis, along the way we stopped for a Bebo Norman, Sara Groves, Andrew Peterson concert. It was a very low-key setting, with them singing at the front of a church.

I sat in the front row of this acoustic worship service and felt God for the first time in a long time. I know he's been trying to get my attention, but most of my life has been just surviving, getting through, trying to stay a step ahead, my faith on the back burner. And I knew it wasn't right, but I felt stuck where I was and it was easier to just press on then stop and figure it out. In the last few months I've become someone I don't like, someone who is angry and inconsistent and aggressive - and I am none of those things.

At the concert Sara did Painting Pictures of Egypt, which has become a life song for me. It is the story of the Israelites and their struggle to turn Egypt into a place of luxury and security, which it wasn't, versus trusting that God had something better for them and would not leave them in the desert. In church Friday night, after discussing with D if this leaving was feasible for us and listening to Sara's voice sing this song of promise and hope and trust I knew I had to leave - I never thought it would go down like this, but today I am clinging to God's promise that He will be faithful through this desert IF I have the faith and patience to trust Him.

So, I am asking for a renewal of my faith, to be made whole and for some how this armor around my heart to just be broken. I want to feel God's presence again, I want to sit with Him and know that He is good and that my life is His.

Here is to the journey.


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© Amanda Lunday