18 August, 2009

You Move Me

By Susan Ashton:

This is how it seems to me, life is only therapy, real expensive and no guarantees.
So I lie here on the couch with my heart hanging out, frozen solid with fear like a rock in the ground

Oh but You move me. You give me courage I didn't know I had. You move me.
I can't go with You and stay where I am so You move me.

Here is how love was to me, I could look and not see, going through the emotions not knowin' what they mean.
And it scared me so much that I just wouldn't budge. I might have stayed there forever if not for your touch

Oh but You move me out of myself and into the fire. You move me.
Now I'm burning with love and with hope and desire, how You move me.

You go whistling in the dark, making light of it, making light of it.
And I follow with my heart laughing all the way.

Oh 'cause you move me. You get me dancing and You make me sing. You move me.
Now I'm taking delight in every little thing and how You move me. You move me.

This is my anthem for today. Do you ever hear a song a just get stuck on it? Well that's this song for me, I've already listened to it, um five times today and we're about to start number six! I love this song, it has a long history with me of repeatedly pulling me back to where my focus needs to be. It takes it off me, reminding me that He is ultimately in control.

Have you ever heard FFH"s Lord Move or Move Me? Well these two songs kind of capture where I am. I have to admit I am sort of over Rwanda. More and more I am becoming convinced I am not supposed to be here long term. And I am in a bit of a funk at the moment, I don't really care. I don't want to learn the language, I don't want to reach out, I don't want to know people. I want to go home. But what is waiting for me there? Nothing and I hate that!

I am a planner, I like knowing what I am doing next week, next month, at the end of the year, next year, three years from now, fifteen years from now. And it can all change tomorrow, but I like lists and plans and structure and purpose. I find purpose in having a vision, having something meaningful to pursue.

But all that must be surrendered to Him. I am not in control. And only He can adjust my attitude to be okay with that. I am not fighting him, but more just sitting in my apathy. I am so done here. I feel done here and I still have 10 weeks left (not that I'm counting!). But He can move me into something better, He can touch this still heart and make me happy to be here again. He can release me from this place of feeling useless into a plan to bring Him glory.

"...and I follow with my heart laughing all the way."

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