08 March, 2012

Spousal Consideration II

On Monday I posted Noble's list of how a husband should consider their wife. On Wednesday, he posted how a wife should consider their husband.

Here a few of the highlights:

#1 – As a wife you should never, I MEAN EVER, underestimate the power of your words in regards to how you speak to your husband.  You should be his PRIMARY source of encouragement.  The words you speak to him and about him in front of others carry more weight than you could EVER imagine!  (I wrote about that specifically in this post entitled, “What A Wife Should NEVER Do,” I would strongly encourage every woman to read it!)
#2 – A woman who attempts to manipulate/control her husband through emotional outbursts, crying and temper tantrums is NOT focused on what is best for the marriage but rather obsessed with getting her way…which always leads to division in the marriage relationship.  (See Proverbs 12:4, Proverbs 19:13, Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 21:19, Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 27:15!) (AND…btw…a woman who is emotionally out of control is always out of control in another area of her life…it just usually becomes obvious in her emotions!)

#3 – Your husband should NEVER be the object of your worship…you will crush him under that weight!  He is a man…he is going to do something dumb, he’s going to say something insensitive and he’s not going to fulfill your every need/desire.  Your primary focus should be on the LORD…and as you grow in your love for HIM you should constantly beg HIM to allow you to see your husband through HIS EYES!!!  (I promise you this will significantly impact your marriage!)

#5 – Your husband cannot read your mind.  He cannot understand how you feel.  This isn’t a game…it’s marriage.  If something is wrong then select the right moment, speak the truth in love and do not attack him when you share what is on your heart.  The goal isn’t to win an argument but solve the problem.
#6 – How you speak about him in front of your children either sets him up for success or failure as a father.  If you constantly tear him down to your kids then they will see him as you see him, have no respect for him and in the future when you need him to help out with explanation or discipline your children will not listen to him because of the foundation of disrespect that you put down.

While the list to men seems to focus on care and respect, this list focuses on priority and emotional stability. You have to tell your husband how you feel, you should never use emotions to manipulate your man. I love the line about a woman being emotionally in-control, because I have seen the consequence of the other way around too many times. Your husband does not (and should not!) complete you; he should complement you, not fulfill you. Too often the imbalance comes in relationships because of this. We put our husband up as a god and place unrealistic expectations on him.

Again it's the Disney idea that someone my prince will come and then I won't be this raggedy girl anymore. Um, sorry sister, if you are not enough on your own you will NEVER be enough with him. We are all human, but when we make someone else's view of us more important than God's we set that person up to disappoint and injure us in ways that are not healthy or fair.

What is missing from this list? What other ways should men and women consider their spouse?

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© Amanda Lunday