02 December, 2010

Bad Day...

From Penonies and Polaroids:

I'm having a poop day.

A foot-stomping,
poop-on-a-stick day.

But one day I'm going to live here and this is going to be my life and it will all be lovely all the time and when it's not lovely I will be here and I can throw sticks in the woods and sob into my dog and eat home grown yummies and drink rum and it will be fine.

I know how she feels. Welcome to my day! I've had a very bad 24 hours. But God is good. No, God is AMAZING! 

I was so full of anger and resentment, despair and pain when I woke up this morning. I was going to pull the covers over my head and sleep, come into work and hang a, "Do not disturb" sign on the door. 

But then a call - my boss needed my help at his devotional this morning. I begrudgingly got up, took a shower, came in. I went to the meeting, sat there and pulled out my journal - realizing there might be something to learn in all he was going to say. 

And there was.

Matthew 5:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (v.3-10)

Meek - merciful - pure in heart, peacemakers... 

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.


Mercy is an exercise, an action - a carrying attitude or value, a behavior (how we treat others). It is goodwill, benevolence, compassion (to suffer with). 

I am not good at mercy. I'm not. I am very black and white, act like you should, be responsible for yourself. 

Luke 6 says that the Lord is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 

He is kind to me - the ungrateful who takes all He has given me like I deserve it and asks for more. The wicked who looks out for me first most times, who can be mean if she wants to be. 

The Lord is kind to me.

"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the Law that gives freedom..." (James 2:12)

To be merciful is to imitate Christ. 

To be merciful, to practice being meek, pure in heart, a peacemaker, I have to turn my attention off of me, and how my wounded heart and soul feels. I have to stop that retaliate, fortify response in me. I turn it back to God who has done nothing but repeatedly showed me grace. I choose to live in the light of the Law that gives freedom and leave the ungrateful and wicked behind. 

I can look at my bad day - my sour mood, my aching soul, my shattered heart, and lie it all before God. "I am yours." I whisper, all I can manage. "Use me as a vessel of Your mercy."  

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© Amanda Lunday