22 July, 2010

The Worth of a Lost Love...

There is an episode of That 70's Show  I love (well there is more than one but for sake of this post we will focus on one...). In it Eric and Donna have broken up, and Eric is heartbroken. They were engaged and she walked away - he doesn't get it. Here is the girl who he has loved his whole life and she just decided not to be with him. 

He wishes the entire relationship away. He wished he had never met, dated, loved, etc. that silly girl next door because to be standing on the other side without her is not worth  it. 

It's sort of like It's A Wonderful Life. An angel appears and offers to grant Eric his wish, but before he does he makes Eric walk through his entire relationship with Donna.

The point is would he be willing to give up everything that was good, joyful, happy, wonderful - the best memories, first kisses, first time, learning about her, being with her, loving her to avoid the pain and heartbreak and questions in the end. 

It's sort of like a condensed version of Eternal Sunshine I guess... 

ANYWAY a friend of mine was devastated recently by a boy who walked out on her. 

My friend doesn't trust easily, she doesn't love easily, she is never girly about a guy... She just doesn't get that way. I have friends who have a new boy every week but not her. I can't remember the last guy she was gaga for, much less THIS over the moon about.

It's the first time I heard her mention marriage, think about a life with someone else... I was really excited for her. 

And out of left field he said he couldn't do it, he didn't want to hurt her, and he left. 

I guess it was a tearful goodbye, they took their time, they both said a lot. But in the end he felt leaving her now was better than leaving in a few months when he has to leave for his job. 

So there you go. She is devastated and unsure where to start. She is trying to pick up the pieces without just becoming closed off and more guarded or making it about how she wasn't good enough... 

It's hard to watch someone you love suffer. It's hard to watch someone you've wanted to see happy for a long time be this hurt. I listened to her sob and had nothing to offer her. Pat answers won't help, and I refuse to lie or give her words I hate when they are said to me.

But it got me thinking about that episode and trust and love and "the one" and all of that. 

So what do you do with all of that? When you refuse to lie what else can you but take her something and be there? And maybe silence is the best answer, maybe just letting her cry and grieve and scream and hurt is just what she needs. She doesn't need to be told it will be okay, she needs to grieve being left by someone she cared deeply for. 

The whole thing just sucks and I feel totally powerless to stop her from hurting. My friend is amazing and she didn't deserve this. 

In the end... was it worth it? 

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© Amanda Lunday