14 June, 2010

Trust

Trust is hard for me. 


I think, growing-up, over time, I learned how to be self-sufficent. So now, it's still hard for me to trust even though I would love to. 


I trust - I get hurt - I reinforce the walls around me - I get lonely and long to be known - I reach out - (slowly) I trust...


A dear friend once said. "There's nobody you can't love." And isn't love at the center of trust?


What do we trust people with? Our time, our secrets, our love, our lives, our affection, our hearts. 



Sometimes it's not about forgiveness. 
Sometimes we trust people we shouldn't. 
Sometimes in our desire to be known we let our guard down to the wrong person.



What is trust? Do I trust you? Do you trust me? 


Is it earned or assumed, and once it is destroyed - how is it recovered?



I feel I tend to trust until you give me reason not to, but break that and it is almost impossible for me to ever fully ease with you again. 


My trust has been broken and I am hurt. But I don't know what to say - all I can do is sit here and replay it all and ask "Why?" 

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© Amanda Lunday