03 April, 2009

How much are you worth?

My friend, Brad, posed this question on his site:

If you were a stock, would you buy or sell? Would you short sell or tend to stay in for the long term? What truly is your valuation? Has your overall “worth” as an employee, father, son, daughter, wife, child gone up or down in the last year?

A friend asked me this the other day, and it got me thinking. Something to ponder for the weekend.

So, how much are you worth? And further, what determines your worth? Power, position, friends, impact, money, material possessions? I am reading Nouwen's "Out of Solitude" at the moment, in it Nouwen writes about not letting success or accomplishments or actions, etc. define us and become the base for our self-esteem.

To be honest, most of the time I don't feel worth much. I am a fitfully frightful person both in terms of insecurity and how I am. Someone said something the other day about how what we talk about can really announce who we are. I realize I complain a lot and am negative most of the time. Another friend said we become what we judge - and that stopped me in my tracks.

Dorthy Day, whose autobiography I can barely put down at moment, talked about judging people by their actions alone. Far from a "new idea" it again made me wonder what my actions tell others.

I fear it's been a time of deep contemplation of how I cannot just be all talk and opinionated but moved to action and to live a life consistent with my speech. Combined with my insecurity and preference for isolation... well let's just say there is work to be done. But things are better than they were a year ago. I think anytime someone goes from surviving to thriving (which often means uncomfortable change while being refined) is good.

So, back to Brad: I think I would be a stock keen investors would see as having great long term potential, a bit shaky at the moment, but a good one to invest 401k funds into. Over the last year, my worth has probably gone up as unstable components have been heaved off and have been replaced with more stable alternatives.

I am a diamond in the rough, you just have to give me a time to be improved and becoming what I was made to be.

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© Amanda Lunday