05 December, 2007

He Moves in Mysterous Ways

It snowed today - but not enough to cancel work (darn!)... my hopes for a day off tomorrow have been dashed because a) it's not cold enough to freeze, and b) it's stopped snowing...

If I could post an entry from my journal a year ago, I'm sure it would read something like this:

I know there is a reason I am here, stuck in Denver, working retail, so far from where I want to be. I know Your timing is right, but does it have to be so aggravating?

Flash forward a month, I suddenly have an apartment in DC, someone to lease my place in Denver, an internship on the Hill, and a one-way plane ticket.

I got everything I wanted. So why am I looking back to Egypt regretting what was never there? I'm not looking back to Egypt, I'm looking passed it, passed where I am, ready for something else...

...I have everything, a job I LOVE!, an apt. that feels like home, and great friends, really great friends... But something is still missing, and I don't know what that is, and all I am is frustrated. I am jealous of people who have the freedom to just go, I want to sell everything I own and move to Crete and sit in a villa and write and just be. I think that's part of it, life is going so fast and I don't know how to capture any of it, and I feel overwhelmed.

And I know God is there, though it's been a long time since I've felt anything. Yet, and I don't mean this in a cliche way, I know He is there... The reason: I haven't landed flat on my face, and I should have...back in May. But the fact that I am still standing, still going, still functioning, while still being able to smile and actually enjoy small things is a total testament to the fact that He is here.

I'm tired of just surviving, I want to thrive...

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