11 August, 2007

She waits for something, who knows what. She waits at the window, watching the world fall out before her. The day passes before her eyes, and yet she cannot bring herself to join it.

She is a prisoner where she should be feel safe, held back by something she can not identify or defeat.

Is there all there is? She wonders to herself, changing her thoughts before the answer that frightens her gets a chance to respond.

Standing before the daylight she finds herself drawn to the warmth, but prefers to stay one step removed from it. She dresses, pretending that small act will be enough to entice her outside. It's a lie she practices every day.

The truth is the world outside frightens. She has not found a way to exist within it. It does not understand her, it does not care to. People pass by and create their judgments, never bothering to take the time to investigate if they are right. And she does not care enough to try and prevent these judgments, let people think what they want, how does that affect her?

Instinctively she finds herself before the window, recounting events she cannot change, and wishing for a future that may never come about...

(Beautiful Dreamer by Jack Vettriano)

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© Amanda Lunday