01 December, 2006

I want more than this...

I want more than this feeling that someday my life will begin.

Once again I am in a holding pattern, but this time I don't know if I am strong enough to sustain it. Before it was different, I was distracted by school, or by friends, or by extra school crap. But no more. My mind is occupied during the weekend, but the rest of the time I have too much time to think. Even at night, I work alone, and my mind wanders...

I am caught in the trap of wanting to do more, but unsure how to get there. Africa fell through and DC seems like a falling memory. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to get there - am I strong enough? Do I have what it takes? Am I cut out for this?

Who knows. I'm tired and the strength I've seemed to pride myself on is failing me.

who knows...

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© Amanda Lunday