06 April, 2006

Do you ever just not feel like yourself but can't really pinpoint why?

I'm becoming more unreliable, closed off, silent. I only want to really be around like three people right now and put everything else on the line to do it.

I'm annoyed, I'm more opinionated (speaking up more in class, being more blunt, etc.) and closing up. Everything I learned in DC is slowly fading and my old just survive mentality is kicking up again. AND I DON'T WANT IT TO. I want to be quiet, kind, loving - I want to laugh, not be mean. But how do you open up in the middle of a battle field? How do you say, "okay I'll put down ALL my armor to show you what's underneath"? How do you do that without the fear of being clobbered?

Or maybe getting clobbered is the point, because then at least you were real. If you're going to get run over anyway, you might as well do it being who you are.

what happened to the sweet girl from DC, I want her back!?!?!

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