12 December, 2005

They will see us waving from such great heights, "come down now," they'll say but everything looks perfect from far away, “come down now," but we'll stay...

In five days I will be home. I am sad, and excited, ready and not. I am ready for the academics of this place to be done. I am tired of the lectures and the lame papers and my internship that does nothing for me. But I love the people here and I am in love with this city. I’ve been bitten, it’s official! I am already scheming how to get back here the fastest. This semester has been such a pleasant surprise, I could never have anticipated even half of what’s happened. But I am so thankful for every day, even the days that weren’t that fun… I wish I could capture even one moment of this semester and have it for the bad days when things suck. I wish there was there was a way to go back to the moments that held so much joy and just dwell in them. It’s too bad memories fade, but maybe that’s good because it keeps us from living in the past…

Anyway, I am doing really well. I can’t wait until I understand half of what have actually happened these last four months. I have tried to figure it out and I can’t, but I feel different and I know I’ve changed for the better…

I am trying to savor these last few days, I know I’ll be back in five months, but it’s still five months! I am not ready to be a college student again, not ready to walk around campus (though I am ready to work for Joy!!), not ready for the frigid March weather in Colorado. But I miss my family, miss my friends, but it’s an odd missing because I know they’re there and will be no matter what, so it’s a I miss your face longing…

I feel like I’ve been on a high for four months – but finally feeling how life is suppose to be. I have cried, screaming, struggled, doubted more this semester than I have in a long time. But here I can and it’s okay. And I am not just trying to survive, but have been allow to shift through some of the crap that has been building up for the last three years. I feel whole and close to God and near to His heart and I don’t want to loose that…

Anyway, just wanted to say hi!

…Manda…

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© Amanda Lunday