01 November, 2005

I have been in D.C. for two months – TWO MONTHS!!! Say who wha? I can’t believe it!

It’s November, I got here in August – yep, two months. Which means I only have 7 weeks left *sniff sniff*

I am at my internship right now, filling out the daily activities log for the past two weeks (oops!). I don’t know how to justify 6-8 hours of work for a 20 hour work week. On Thursday I left 2.5 hours early – which to me is fine because I had been sitting here for 6 hours with nothing to do anyway… okay, I’m done. I didn’t start this to complain.

God is great. And I have come to see that any times of remoteness or isolation (like now) are entirely my fault. I don’t rely on Him, I don’t open my Bible to meet with Him; I try to take the 10 minute walk to Union Station, with my mind cluttered with songs and story ideas, and make that communion enough. I cannot get mad at God for not being there, when I am the one blocking Him out. And so I feel isolated, I’m scared, insecure, I start to stutter again (grrrrrr), and until I can fumble my way back to His side and walk with Him again these problems will perpetually intensify themselves.

Hmmm…

I was listening to music the other day. It was late, around midnight, after the roommate people had gone to bed. I was sitting at my desk with my hands over my earphones trying to drown the music in to get everything else out, and this song came on. And immediately I felt better. I heard this song for the first time this summer (though I’ve had this cd since what – freshman year?) when I was driving home and I must have replayed it like 15 times…

In the end, I don’t think God wants perfection or planned attempts of holiness – saying the right things, raising our hands correctly, only outwardly “seeking” Him. I think, a lot of the time, that if we come to Him humbly with tearstained faces and our blankie dragging behind us, admitting that we can do nothing but lie is His arms, and we don’t have the strength to take another day, and that He’ll have to carry us for a while…I think that brings Him more joy than any attempt I can make at looking holy and quoting scripture just to quote scripture…

Anyway, here’s the song. It’s called “Improv” and it’s one Come to the Worship Circle I.

~ intro ~

You have whispered these things to me

You have caused flowers to grow in my field and you have brought bright colors to my head and You have caused the cool wind to blow underneath my windowsill and I rest here underneath your hand.

You have caused flowers to grow in my fields and you have brought new and bright colors to my head and You brought a cool wind underneath my windowsill and I rest here underneath your hand. And I rest here underneath Your hand. And I rest here underneath Your hand.

You’ve made all my deserts into gardens. You’ve made all my deserts into gardens. You’ve made all my ashes into beauty. You’ve made all my ashes into beauty

I don’t know where I’d be if I had not met you, I was a broken man when you found me.
I don’t know where I’d be if I had not met you, I was a broken man when you found me.

When you found me…When you found me I became alive. I became alive, I became alive, I became alive, I became alive, I became alive, alive, alive, alive, I became alive, alive, alive, alive!

What a joy it is to live again. What a joy it is to live again.

Listen to the song if you can get it. Turn out all the lights, lie on the floor and let this song wash over you. It’s the humility of a life lived realizing we can do nothing on our own. I can do nothing on my own, days are unbearable without Him, and when I truly realize that and life as such – those are the days I am who I long to be.

Peace dear friends,
…manda…

0 reactions:

Post a Comment

 
© Amanda Lunday