24 June, 2005

It is interesting to read other people’s blogs and realize an opinion of general dissatisfaction that exists about my school and things going on. I find myself, too often probably, listing off the things I hate about where I am (and believe me, I have quite the list) instead of stopping and realizing the good things here. Things like: good friends, a professor you get along well with and cares about you outside of class, worship in chapel, the drama department – they’re amazing!!! – Miss Joy – and, for me, working with the COM Presidents for the past two years. I don’t mean for this to be a tangent, but it is…Let’s stop and think about those people: 27 people who have been willing to step up and say, “This is something I am passionate about and I want to help share that passion with others.” At the end of the day these 27 people and the opportunities they bring to our campus is what makes it truly great. Take athletics, missions, and d-groups away and anything left for you to get involved in here is because of someone willing to start and lead a group (which, believe me is not easy or always fun). I don’t know, I just think they are really amazing people and it’s been a joy working near them for two years – I think long after I leave CCU I’ll miss that the most. It’s scary to think I won’t be doing that in the fall, but other things will come up I know…

Anyway – back to original thought – and this is what I have concluded. I stayed here long beyond when I should have. Yes, there are a few shining moments in the plethora of crap, but are people enough of a reason to stay and endure? At the end of the day, I have to say no. But then I contradict myself: I really wish I left last August, told CCU to… well we won’t go there… Taken some time off and was at Georgetown or Brown or some other amazing east coast school getting a good education that actually prepares me for my field…. But then I think I wouldn’t have the people in my life who matter. I never would have lived with Rachel, met Sarah, Katie or Rachel, lived with Mikki or Lauren and the idea of not having those things makes my heart ache. But what about the drama and relentless falsity that consumes this place. What about what happened this spring? What about all the things I see going on here that make me wonder where God is in this organization?

I will graduate from here, I will walk across that stage and take my diploma never looking back, my only regret staying.

This is a daily struggle for me, and my only advice to people who are wondering wither to leave or endure another year at a place they hate: get out!

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© Amanda Lunday