19 January, 2005

Why is it we cling to the past even when it is bad for us? Why do we care about people/things that no longer matter or deem you worthy enough for their time? Why do we constantly hold on to things that don’t concern us and won’t affect us in anyway? Why do girls settle for less?

I have friends from a previous time. Since then we have slowly drifted apart; now our friendships are random phone calls and two line e-mails. It’s lame. Yet I still long to be in their lives like I was before. I still want to have a say, want to be invited and I’m just not. It’s true. I have moved on. I have other friends, other pursuits and to be honest I don’t think our personalities would mesh. The ignorance of yesterday when our personalities mixed so well is just gone. Experience and hurt has changed us to much.

Is it really that hard to say good-bye; to turn and leave? Why is it so difficult to face the small voice inside we want to run from and admit that the tiny nagging is correct. We compromise and settle and put off so much that we wake up one day complacent, with the wrong person for a year all because the risk of waiting, leaving, the unknown keeps us glued where we are.

I know there is a verse that would be appropriate. Something about seizing the day and letting God be all – but I can’t find it. Instead I just leave random thoughts.

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© Amanda Lunday