10 October, 2004

Wow, take out a weekend - and then suddenly it's been forever since you posted... Sorry about that.

Things have been very fast paced lately. Last weekend I went to St. Louis with a dear friend of mine, Erin. We went to see her family and celebrate her brother's 30th birthday. It was a 13 hour drive, all the way through Kansas and Missouri - but nice. We got to go to the Arch and ride to the top. So cool. I'll put a picture on once I get them developed... Beyond that we walked around and went to where the World's Fair was in 1904; walked around the Missouri River and saw the Mighty Mississippi - very fun. The drive back seemed to take a while, probably because I knew where we were going, and had a study group to be back for! All and all a very cool weekend. Now I am in the mood for fun road trips (Oregon, Grand Canyon, Wheaton...)

This week was very up and down. Monday was eh; failed a theology test, but that's okay. Tuesday was just lame. I skipped my 1:40 class to study for a French test, only to have my French teacher be 50+ minutes late. So I left before she came - complete waste of an afternoon. I got to see Jessica Tuesday night, which was wonderful! We went to Atlanta Bread and laughed (we always laugh when we're together) and then played some pool back at CCU (she kicked my butt). I can be having the worse day ever and she will make it better just by being there... After she left I went to a study session for a huge midterm I had Wednesday.

Wednesday had the midterm which was not as bad as I expected. Here is how lame my teacher is though. He gave us a map where each country was worth .3 points - no joke! That night I got to see my boss, Joy, who had a baby boy last week and is on maternity leave. It was so surreal to see her. I miss her so much. I have been meeting with her for almost a year now, and these past few weeks without her have been so difficult. More than once she has mentioned that I remind her of her in college, and because of that I think she gets me more than other people do. I was so blessed to be able to sit in her living room and talk to her. Two co-workers and I went to take her and her husband dinner, when we got down the road I started to cry, because I realized how much I miss her. This semester has been so challenging, and I want her there to tell me it's okay, or say the one thing that will give me the strength to make it through another week...

Thursday was my school's Homecoming, and I was not in the mood to go. I left school with the intention of going to Barnes and Noble, but on the way started to cry because of all the small stuff going on, and decided I wanted to go to Starbucks instead because it was quieter, and I wouldn't be as tempted to buy something ;-). So I went inside and ordered a drink. I went to sit down and they asked me to move so they could mop the area, so I sat at a different table and turned my bag on it’s side – not remembering that my cup of unfinished coffee from earlier was in the side pocket… Soon my table was covered with cold Folgers. Once I got that cleaned up and my headphones unraveled, I could focus on Him.
God really blessed me. I opened up my Bible to Isaiah 43 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned (verse 2).”

I stayed there for a while, reflecting, praying, struggling, and journaling. Got up to leave only to realize I had locked my keys in my car! Went inside and began to scan my phone book – everyone either lived too far away or was at the dance. Finally I came to a new friend, Shelly, and called her. Waited for her to come, calling my parents to tell them about my night. My friend pulls in, as she does I stick my hand into the pocket of my sweatshirt – and there are my keys. Some people might be able to laugh it off, but I felt so bad, and the last thing I wanted was to drive so I just got in her car and we left.
Ended up watching the Bourne Identity with Shelly and a girl in my stairwell. After my roomie got back we went to get my car. When we got there I discovered my back right tire was completely flat and had been all night... Great huh?

Early Friday morning I got up and got the tire changed. I wish I could express how thankful I was to step into my house on Friday night. I seriously wanted to sit down and cry all week. And I think actually did sit on my bed and sob at one point. I don’t know why I am so exhausted, and why I can’t seem to get any energy back. Things have been hard this semester – yes; but there are so many good things going on right now.

I am a RA’s roommate this year – and while our room is not the best (we’re not really all that close and I am actually intimidated by my RA roommate) – I love the freshman girls around me and what they are doing for my life. It’s so odd being in the “older sister, oh wise one” role. I remember my freshman year and how I looked up to my RA and her roommates and how I wanted to be near them a lot (and was!). To be honest, I think a lot of my energy is being lost there. And I don’t quite know how to change that.

Wow, this is long! I just wanted to catch up. And don’t worry -- I am okay. I feel I am being refined right now, and you have to work hard to get all the impurities out – so I know that someday I will look back on all this and realize it has made me stronger... Until then, I would just ask for prayer.

I’ll write more later.

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© Amanda Lunday