07 September, 2004

God has been doing a lot of really awesome things right now.

For the first time in a long time I meeting with Him daily and really feel that He is there. I am reading Malachi right now and it's speaking to me. I read chapter 1 today and it talked about how God was displeased because instead of brining him the blameless lambs the people we brining him the sick, lame, bad lambs -- and that's not good. But it made me ask, what do I bring God? Do I give him a fraction of my time (sick lamb) while being distracted and thinking I only have 20 minutes before class? Or, do I give him my total attention, with an open heart and a meeting mind (blameless lamb), not really caring if I have to go to class with my hair down because I spent 10 minutes more with my Abba? It's been a really cool thing. Who knew that OT held all that ;)

Something that goes a long with that is I am trying to find a mentor. I really want someone in my life who has been there and can help me... In thinking over the past semester I have come to realize I got so frustrated because I let God go. I can almost pinpoint, to the day, when I stopped meeting with him. And that's not to say things weren't bad, but maybe I wouldn't have lost so much because I could have handled it better... When I think back over that time, there is a lot I still don't understand. I don't know why some friendships aren't here, why I can't get over some things, but I know it was worse because God wasn't there. I think it would be really awesome to walk beside a Godly woman who can help me, hold me accountable, and encourage me in this time when all I want to do is escape and the ground beneath me seems like sand...

One really cool note: my Meggie is coming in two days - can I get a woo hoo!?!?!?!
Gotta go, having coffee with one really cool girl

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