01 December, 2003

“Lord, I fall down on my knees, only you can rescue me. I find that I am so in need, wrap me in your presence.... I wait still, Lord come and fill this emptiness is more than I can stand. I lift my eyes, my voice to the skies, return me to my first love once again..."

It's a weird feeling - the mix of emotions that can change so quickly. I go from happy to sad and introspective to giddy and uplifted again. How does that work? So often I allow myself to get swept up in the negative, the hardships that pester me when I am sad and my guard is down… And occasionally I am weary enough to allow a battle without forfeiting the war – but that makes me wonder – what if that one battle decides the war? What if I continue to struggle with something only because I keep giving in whenever it comes up? Satan is cleaver – he knows just when and how to hit us. Ever noticed how the attacks don’t come when you are alert and on the ball? They come when you are down, sad, barley running on empty – it’s the time when we are ready to forfeit it all for a moments rest that he comes in. “Aren’t you lonely” he whispers catching us off guard. “I guess so,” we reason, really unsure of why. He then proceeds to turn our words against us and make us wonder about everything. He might not know it all, but he is cleaver – don’t doubt that or you are starting with only one leg.

Even with all this God can use amazing things to pull us back. A random friend on-line, a chance meeting in the night – something, anything, to remind you that He is good and He is in control. Ever since I went to Ecuador this past May I have had an amazing desire to put what happened into words – and yet I feel strangely inadequate to do so… But one thing I can articulate is a word God gave me. “Teach me your ways, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” (Ps. 86:11). This is truth. I believe that when we get close to God that’s when satan attacks the hardest – so I find joy in my hurt because I am onto something better than myself. If I search after God and pursue His ways – if I stand at the crossroads and consider – and not only taking a moment to consider what is going on, but to fear the on who gave me the freedom to decide – it’s amazing….

I am thankful that I don’t need a lot to get by. I am a simple person and can live relatively easily without a lot, just give me a couple books and I’ll be content for a while. I once thought I had to know everything, but now I am content just knowing what people choose to let me know. I am a sophomore in college – I am a global studies major and I have no idea what I am going to do with that – but that’s okay. I am happy to take classes (fail Micro.) and live by faith. God will tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. And if I can remember that then I can get through satan’s attacks without forfeiting the battle….
© Amanda Lunday