11 December, 2003

I don’t expect tonight to be anything more but rambling, but maybe that’s what needed.

I want love! Is that a bad thing to say? Is it bad to admit that I think I am ready to be loved? Talking to a friend last night I realized something, I perpetually live with the hope of “someone.” When I am bored, my mind goes there… And this time of year leaves me wondering – “what if?” Why is love such a desire of our hearts? I use to think that my longing for someone meant that something wasn’t right with God, or that something was wrong with me – but that’s not true. We were meant to love and be loved and why do we talk like desire of love is wrong? Mother Teresa said, “The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.” And I believe it’s true.

It has often been said that love comes when we least expect it, and there might truth to that – but I have to doubt too. I am rambling but perhaps there is merit to all this. I am at a right place with God. Most people try to push it off that if you desire something else than something isn’t right… No! We were given a spirit to love and even Adam, walking in perfect unity, fellowship and companionship with God asked for a helper. What does that say?

It’s Christmas time and I finished my last official class today. I am ready! This semester has been such an uphill struggle and I am so thankful that a week from today finals will be over. Today in chapel we had a music extravaganza! It was fun. Our band and choir performed. We sang Christmas carols and took communion as a school. There is something about this season that makes me want to snuggle down with a good book, watching a roaring fire burn and think. I grew up with the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas as a time to relax, and part of me misses that. Part of me wishes for those simpler times of nothing to do but read and enjoy the snow…
It hasn’t been until recently that I have started to see what Christmas is truly about. Right now I have a picture of opening presents in my head. My family is all there and while everyone is watching the person open their present – the thought hits me – it’s about family, friends. I know this maybe be corny – but it’s true. Today in chapel I sat between two girls who I have lost true, day-to-day contact with. And while I was praying the both rested their hands on me – and I started to cry. Because it is the simple touch of someone you love that can bring you joy – and joy is another thing this season is about.

Family, Joy, and God – if you’d ask me to summon up the meaning of this season it wouldn’t be the presents, or even going home, because you can have other family. But, I would have to say it comes down to those three things. Being with the people who bless your life, finding joy in whatever there is going on, and remembering that yes, Christ came to die, but He was born now… He came, born to a virgin mother, to be set among animals in a manger. There was no grand announcement of His birth. The world didn’t stop and take notice. Only some shepherds came to say hello and see the Savior of the world. And yet, that tiny baby is why this season has joy – and maybe that’s the point.

Hee hee… Like I said… Just a lot of rambling tonight.
© Amanda Lunday